By SADIE MONROE

I often sift through the complexities of personal debt, environmental degradation, breakfast, national racism and sexism, war, podcasts, health, marital status, family, media on media on media, pop culture, soda pop...

Whatever is it, I cannot seem to compartmentalize like I used to. "Back in my day, we used to compartmentalize uphill, both ways,” I imagine I might say to a future generation. 

Trying to make sense of it all, I attempt to manage a relationship with these issues, while simultaneously trying to figure out what the hell “balance” means, and how I am going to find a job that actually fulfills me and not just my pockets, although my pockets would be a nice place to start.

In this pursuit, I have learned a lot about living in a wide spectrum of places, working under various bosses with multiple personalities (type and number), and most importantly, obtained many jobs where my position on the hierarchical ladder bobbled from extreme highs to extreme lows—and in no particular pattern. 

These responsibilities have included representing apparel brands and designers; working the dessert station at a Sonic; retail selling, managing, and buying; styling photo-shoots as well as people on a popular national television show; serving tables; designing apparel for a local boutique; and making costumes for a progressive dance troupe. 

I’ve built art installations in an airport. I've worked at the crack of dawn to stock shelves at a widely known hardware chain in an attempt to avoid the trials and tribulations of waiting tables . That particular job lasted 8 weeks, and whether Dome Hepot couldn’t handle me or the other way around, there’s no way of knowing. 

What am I learning from my range of employment positions, bosses, co-workers, and ever-changing environments? 

Anything I truly want will have to come from within myself. If I want to opt for a better option, there first has to be a better option. If I’m not making an effort to change my current surroundings, to create that reality, then who will? No one is going to do it for me, nor would I really want them to. 

While I continue to work through all of these steps in order to reach and lead a life I value, I am working on creating a space and a company that gives myself and others a new route. Dreaming is not only a beautiful thing but also the origin of great concepts. Turning the dream into a reality is in a league of it’s own. 

I’ve recently started a company with my business partner, and it is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever pursued. I’m constantly overwhelmed, always feeling a step behind, anxious, running in circles, shuffling in squares, lonely, afraid of failure, battling insomnia, working multiple jobs, and strapped for free time as much as I am for cash.

But I have to know. I have to know what will happen if I try, and I don't want to know what'll happen if I don't. How can I expect people and my surroundings to change for the better if I don't initiate the pursuit? 

I believe in building a strong, cohesive community, living an adventurous lifestyle, and being a role model for both myself and others.  Most importantly, I want something I’m a part of to be used as a catalyst for others to reach their goals. Because at this point, I don’t know what else to do, and I think that’s a good thing.  

I am building an activewear company that cares about the Earth and its people, challenges my peers to engage, and pushes communities to achieve wholeness. With each passing day we gain traction as we acquire support and talent from the best—those like-minded, ambitious dreamers. 

We’ve initiated the pursuit. And we’re too stubborn to fail. 

07.09.15